The Poison We Drink

Somebody once said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Now, I don’t know who said it first — it’s one of those quotes that’s been passed around so much it doesn’t have a name tag anymore — but I want you to sit with it for a second. Drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Isn’t that exactly what we do? Somebody hurts us — a friend betrays us, a spouse says something they can’t take back, a coworker throws us under the bus in a meeting — and we hold onto it. We rehearse it. We replay the conversation in our head at two in the morning, adding better comebacks each time. We think we’re punishing them. But here’s the truth: they’re out living their life, and we’re the ones getting sick.  I don’t think there’s a person reading this who doesn’t have somebody they need to forgive. Maybe it’s recent. Maybe it’s twenty years old and you thought you were over it, but it still stings when their name comes up.

Wherever you are this morning, I want you to know — God’s Word has something to say to you today. And it’s not a suggestion. It’s a command wrapped in grace.

What the Text Says

In Ephesians 4:31-32. Paul writes, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (ESV) Notice what Paul does here. He doesn’t say, “Feel free to forgive whenever you feel ready.” He says put it away. That’s an action verb — it’s a decision, not a mood. Bitterness, wrath, anger, slander, malice — that whole ugly list — Paul says get rid of it, like you’d take out the trash before it starts stinking up the whole house. And then look at the standard he gives us: forgive “as God in Christ forgave you.” Not as much as you feel like forgiving. Not once you get an apology. As God forgave you. And let’s be honest — none of us deserved that forgiveness. Christ didn’t wait until we cleaned up our act. He forgave us while we were still sinners, still enemies of God, according to Romans 5. That’s the model. So here’s the first truth we need to plant our feet on today: forgiveness is a command, not a feeling you wait around for. If you’re waiting to feel like forgiving somebody, you might be waiting until Jesus comes back.

Feelings follow obedience. Not the other way around.

The Prisoner Illustration

Let me give you a picture that might help this stick. Imagine you’ve got somebody locked up — a prisoner, chained in a cell, because of what they did to you. Every day you walk by that cell. You feed the bitterness. You keep the guard posted. You tell yourself, “They don’t deserve to get out. Not after what they did.”  And one day, you finally decide, “Fine. I’ll let them go.” You walk down, you unlock the chains, you open the door — and the light hits their face, and you realize the prisoner was you the whole time.  That’s what unforgiveness does. It doesn’t put the other person in chains — they probably don’t even know you’re upset half the time, or they’ve moved on completely. The chains are yours. The cell is your own heart. Bitterness doesn’t punish your offender; it just keeps you locked up in a prison you built with your own hands.  I’ve watched this play out in real life more times than I can count. I’ve talked with people who are still bitter about something that happened thirty years ago — and the person who hurt them has long since passed away. Who’s still in prison? Not them. It’s the one holding onto it.  Forgiveness isn’t saying what happened was okay. It’s not excusing sin or pretending the hurt wasn’t real.

Forgiveness is you walking out of that cell and letting God deal with the rest.

Not a One-Time Deal

Now, somebody’s thinking, “Okay, Steve, I forgave them already. I did it. Why does this still hurt?”  Good question. Let’s look at Matthew 18:21-22. Peter comes to Jesus and asks, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Peter probably thought he was being generous. Seven was more than fair, right? Jesus answers, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”  Now, Jesus isn’t handing Peter a calculator and saying, “Go ahead, keep count — stop at 490.” He’s saying forgiveness isn’t a math problem, it’s a lifestyle. It’s not a one-and-done moment where you check a box and move on forever, feeling nothing again. Sometimes the hurt resurfaces. Sometimes the memory pops back up on a random Tuesday and you feel that old sting all over again.  That doesn’t mean your forgiveness didn’t work. It means you get to choose it again. Forgiveness is less like a light switch you flip once and more like a path you keep walking. Some days it’s easy. Some days you’ve got to make the choice all over again before breakfast.  

So don’t be discouraged if you forgave somebody last year and it still stings sometimes. That’s not failure. That’s just being human. Keep choosing it. Seventy times seven.

Reflection and Challenge

Who came to mind as you were reading this? Don’t push the name away. God brought it up for a reason. Maybe it’s a parent. Maybe it’s an ex.  Whoever it is, don’t just think about it and move on with your day. Here’s your challenge this morning: choose to forgive that person today. Not when you feel ready. Not when they apologize. Not when the hurt goes away. Today. Ephesians 4 doesn’t say “forgive when it’s easy.” It says “as God in Christ forgave you” — and He didn’t wait for us to deserve it either. So put the cup down. Stop drinking the poison. Walk out of that cell you built. The door’s not locked from the outside — it never was. It was locked from the inside, and you’re the one holding the key.

The poison stops the moment you put down the cup.