As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.
Genesis 50:20

Before I retired from the United States Air Force nine years ago, I had many big plans. For sixteen years I had been working towards a goal: serve twenty years and then move on with another career. I knew what I wanted to do when I “grew up.” But those plans changed when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2016. Everything I wanted to do four years from that point was gone. Like a vapor, it vanished.

I remember those first couple of years after I got out. My family and I moved back to New York. There were a lot of uncertainties at that time. Money was tight, my health and the future progression of the disease was unknown. My options at that time seem limited.

I remember sitting with a great friend, mentor, and pastor, Duke Hergatt, throughout those trying times. I remember him clearly telling me repeatedly that I would look back on those hard days five years later. He said I would see more clearly how God was working in the midst of it all. But it’s hard to see the other side of the storm sometimes when you’re in the middle of it. If you have ever driven through the state of Kansas, you know the terrain is beautiful. However, it is very flat. It was as if I was driving down the highway in Kansas. Dark clouds surrounded me. They were behind, in front, and to both sides. As far as the eye could see, nothing but dark clouds. That is how I felt in those days.

But God. These two words are some of the most simple yet beautiful words in the Bible. They tell us that despite our current struggles, a powerful God is at work. He is working behind the scenes.

It wasn’t until 2020 when my photography project titled Faces of Veterans came to an abrupt end due to COVID, that things began making sense. During a late night walk through my neighborhood, I prayed for some sort of direction. It became clear that God was telling me to go back to college. I needed to finish what I had started over twenty years prior. When I started Bible college when I was nineteen years old, I ended up dropping out after a semester. Then I tried another Bible college and dropped out of that one as well. During my time in the Air Force, I faced several life-changing trials. Eventually, MS became another challenge. The time had come for me to continue what God had started. Even during my time in the military, I often reflected on leaving college. I felt like I had completely destroyed God’s plan for my life. As if I am that powerful. God was leading me through some things in order to prune me. He was getting me to the point where it was less of me and more of Him. He was shaking the foundations of my life. He broke away those things that had no eternal value. In turn, I would come to the point where I focused on those things which are eternal. You realize a lot when you get to the point where you come to the end of yourself.

I returned to school and quickly completed my bachelor’s degree. I then went on to start my graduate degree and I am still working on that. I am finally at a point in my life where things are becoming more clearer. I am looking back and seeing how God was working in those days nine years ago. I am seeing how amazing His provision and providence are. I am realizing that when I was discouraged and doubting, God was working. When I was really struggling and couldn’t see an end to the trials I faced, God was with me. He was already waiting for me on the other side. I just had to trust Him.

Why am I sharing this at 2am? Someone reading this is on that flat highway in Kansas. You’re driving, looking through the windshield, the rearview mirror, and the the left and right. All you see for miles and miles are dark stars clouds. You’re really trying to make sense of it all but nothing makes sense at all. If you have placed your faith in Christ, trust Him. I promise you that your story isn’t finished yet. I promise you that there is an all-powerful and all-knowing God who is working. You can’t see it right now, you feel abandoned, and you’re lost. But you aren’t either of those things. God is working and He will bring you through.

Just remember two words. But God.